Family matters — treat it as such

In previous articles, we covered the Career and Personal domains of life. Each of the eight domains of life are important to our overall wellbeing. The weight you place on any one of them — Family, Social, Community, Career, Personal, Recreation, Spiritual and Financial — is completely up to you. The satisfaction you experience with the domain (ranking 1-10) and the importance you place on the domain (ranking 1-10) may pose a gap. You can decide whether to address that gap.

For our discussion, think of family as the people born into or chosen by us that support one another. Many of us believe that family lies at the heart of who we are. Yet families take many shapes, and each one provides its own unique foundation for belonging.

Working to develop strong family connections can provide love, support and a sense of belonging. There are as many aspects of the Family domain as there are families. Some of those considered to be the most important by Family Therapists are relationships, support systems, communication, values and traditions, conflict resolution and time spent together.

Do you have some thoughts and actions that you have been wanting to take to improve your family connections? Those are the most important. Give thought to those strategies first. Ideas generated by you are the most compelling. Here are examples of strategies that have brought more connection to my family:

Spend quality time together — Planning regular family activities as simple as game nights, a walk around the neighborhood, or shared meals can build bonds and create memories. An activity that my family enjoys is the celebration of birthdays with a cake decorated by family members. Some really creative cakes have been baked, and it makes for a fun time together.

Communicate openly — While honest discussions about feelings, concerns and experiences can be challenging, honest communication can strengthen relationships and demonstrate value for each family member’s perspective. One way to ease into open communication is by asking simple questions such as “When are times that you have felt close as a family? Where were you, what were you doing, and what made that time memorable?” Try going around the room and take time for everyone to answer.

Shared gratitude — expressing gratitude and appreciation for family members can help make relationships stronger. Saying “Thank you” or writing a note to recognize an event or challenge can build family values.

Set healthy boundaries — there are topics that can divide us — politics, religious beliefs, and lifestyle choices are some of them. And there are ways to express different options and to live lifestyles that are different from others. Being open and working to understand each other is a good start. There may be subjects that are too emotional for talk around the family table. Sometimes setting a time to see and hear each other while people feel safe and then taking time to creating shared meaning of what a family is all about. And respect for privacy and individual differences help foster a more welcoming and diverse family structure.

As the holiday season approaches and the new year gets closer, it’s a great time to look back on the past year and think about what is ahead. Try capturing your family’s intentions for the coming year — what you would like to do together and who you want to become. When your family gathers, snap some pictures, share memories, and talk about your hopes for the year ahead. You could even make a vision board with photos, words, and goals that remind you of what you want to live out together.

In the weeks ahead, take time to think about your life and its domains. Focus on the goals that are important to you. Taking small steps forward as you define them will add up to progress moving forward. Next time, we will dive into the social domain. Take great care.